What lessons have I learned?

If ever you called yourself my teacher, this is for you.


I've spent a long time trying to be good. Trying to be better, be amazing, be noticed. I want to be loved. For something. I think I've forgotten how to be myself and that's scary. Nelson, (since you might be the only one of my teachers who ever sees this) I spend too much time looking at my page views and comments and not enough time looking into my heart.

I've you to thank for that realization. 

I've gone through school and heard so many teachers tell me that they'll change my life and whether I like it or not, every single one of those teachers has changed me. From my kindergarten teacher who made me sit in the corner to that time I cried in front of my biology teacher because she saw me more clearly than I saw myself.

I'm growing up. And none of those teachers really get that anymore. Class after class passes through their lives and we become the dust under their feet.

 I'm growing up. And none of us really get that anymore. We pass from teacher to teacher throughout our lives, and they become the dust under our feet.

I'm growing up, and now I have to pick a senior quote. How in the name of mohana am I supposed to pick a senior quote?! It will be my senior quote forever! Does that even matter?! Nelson, what was your senior quote? Do you like it? Was It stupid? Should it be stupid? Should I treat it like those are the last words I'll speak on my deathbed? Should I treat it like a joke?! Should I pick something important to me or should I embrace the fact that someday it will mean nothing to me so why pick something important now?!

Why am I so worried about my senior quote? I should be worried about applying for colleges, shouldn't I? Why does that seem so much easier than writing a few words? I write words all the time.

Is this what it feels like to write your wedding vows? Am I overreacting?

I'm growing up and I'm still asking all the adults what to do, even though I'll be one myself soon enough. 

Do adults know they're adults? When will I change? Is there some ceremony that makes you serious and mature? I'm not really sure I want to be that.

I'm growing up.