If anyone still reads my blog, it's you. Thanks for that. Yesterday, you gave me a small note with a few kind words, which is what you always seem to give me when I see you.
Yesterday was really hard for me.
Today has been really hard too. And so will tomorrow, I'm sure, and the day after that....
I've got a feeling it'll be really hard for approximately two years. Although I'm not sure what I'll be waiting for.
I'm not very good at telling people I care like you can. Not out loud, anyway. It's much easier for me to write a post on my blog and expose it to the entire internet than to tell you I appreciate your friendship when you're standing right there.
I was also a bit distracted yesterday, I'm sure you understand. Yesterday was the last time I will ever see that special boy. He will still be the same boy when he comes back, but both of our lives will have completely changed by the time I see him next. That's what I'm having difficulty coping with at the moment. That right now he's one of my very best friends, and we have such a unique relationship that I wouldn't change for the world. I've already written him, you know.
But the next time I say hello to him, he and I will be so changed.
The last memory I'll have of his face is his beautiful, bright smile through my tears. I guess that's fitting.
Andra, I miss him.
It's been one day.
And I already miss him.
I know he'll be wonderful. He always is.
But is it okay for me to be a little upset that he's going away?
I know he'll be trying to save others and growing up and becoming a wonderful man, but I want him to stay here.
Is that wrong?
I'm not sure if I'll wait for him... It seems kind of foolish, because our relationship was always a study in misplaced love.
But is it so strange to think that maybe I'll still be here for him when he gets back? What if I'm the only one?
Either way, when he comes home, I still want to be here.
This post wasn't supposed to be about Jack, I'm sorry. I just wanted to thank you for your letter, but then I started bumming myself out.
Thank you. It's good to know that at least one person understood what this particular farewell meant to me.
Hey Hailey. Its okay to want him to stay, and to still be here when he comes back. Its okay to miss him and be anxious that he is leaving and may not be the same and the fact that you won't be the same when he returns. Hailey, its gonna hurt. And I wish I could change that but I can't. But dear, one thing I can do is be here for you. I know I won't understand exactly, but I will try. And no matter what, you won't be alone in this. Thank you for this post, and you're welcome for the note. And dear, you've got this. Stay beautiful. Stay you.
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ReplyDeletei know exactly how you feel hailey. it sucks so bad. i've been so sad lately. I'm glad someone else knows the feeling.
ReplyDeleteHailey Brooks, no matter what you say, I'll be graduating high school sometime, and then I'll go on adventures with you for as long as adventures still have meaning.
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